I’m Not the Same Person I Was
I’m not the same person I was when I created this blog. I thought that I could create a real masterpiece AND take care of a baby and the rest of the family at the same time. As it turns out, that was not the case, in even the slightest. Which, in hindsight, is a blessing in disguise because I’m not the same person I was almost two years ago.
Two years ago, shoot, two months ago I was drowning from depression and overwhelm. I fully believe I had untreated post partum depression even though it has been over two years since I gave birth. I FINALLY feel like the fog and hopelessness has lifted. I have energy to do things and care again. I’m not the same person I was for the past two years.
I don’t know if enough time has passed, or if my diet changes helped, or my mental state changed; but something has happened and I’m not the same person I was. I know I keep saying this, but I feel so FREE! I am FREE. I. Am. Free.
I am free from my sin. I am free from my anxiety. I am free from my depression. I am free from having to be perfect. I am free from my past and all my bad decisions. I am free. And let me tell you, it feels amazing! I’m not the same person I was. I don’t have to be. I can be me. Ashley.
At this point in life I’m not even sure who Ashley is, but I am working really hard at finding her. I know she is a woman of God. A wife. A mom. An educator. A lover of steamed broccoli and cheese. Animal lover. I’m not the same person I was.
I know who I’m not and I am set free from those things. I do not have to have a perfectly clean house to be happy. I do not have to serve three full multi course meals seven days a week to be happy. I do not have to be a size 2 or 4 or 6 to be happy. Happy doesn’t come from our circumstances. I’m not even convinced “happy” exists. I do have JOY in the Lord now. I’m not the same person I was.
Jesus doesn’t want my life to be perfect before I will let him into it. Jesus wants to be in my life 100% of every day. And you know what, I need him to be the center of my life every day. For the verse “not my strength, but His” is very, very much true! Now, I have been saved and baptized for a long time; so, this shouldn’t be a new revelation for myself. However, I have been living under the stress of I have to be perfect before I can come to him. Lies! It’s all lies. If I could manage life and do all the things perfectly, I would have no need of a Savior. I’m not the same person I was, but I have found my joy in the Lord.
I am not trying to sell you anything. In fact, I borrowed this from the library so I haven’t even bought it for myself. If you are like me, and feel like you’re drowning I greatly encourage you to read the book Risen Motherhood by Emily Jensen and Laura Wifler. It has completely changed my life, and with that, my family. It’s true; I’m not the same person I was; and I want that for you as well if you are struggling.
Blessings and prayer for you,
Ashley
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